사랑
김용택
당신과 헤어지고 보낸
지난 몇 개월은
어디다 마음 둘 데 없이
몹시 괴로운 시간이었습니다
현실에서 가능할 수 있는 것들을
현실에서 해결하지 못하는 우리 두 마음이
답답했습니다
하지만 지금은
당신의 입장으로 돌아가
생각해보고 있습니다
받아들일 건 받아들이고
잊을 것은 잊어야겠지요.
그래도 마음속의 아픔은
어찌하지 못합니다
계절이 옮겨가고 있듯이
제 마음도 어디론가 옮겨가기를
바라고 있습니다.
추운겨울의 끝에서 희망의 파란봄이
우리 몰래 우리 세상에 오듯이
우리들의 보리들이 새파래지고
어디선가 또
새 풀이 돋겠지요
이제 생각해보면
당신도 이 세상 하고많은 사람들 중의
한 사람이었습니다.
당신을 잊으려 노력한
지난 몇 개월동안
아픔은 컸으나
참된아픔으로
세상이 더 넓어져
세상만사가 다 보이고
사람들의 몸짓 하나하나가 다 이뻐 보이고
소중하게 다가오며
내가 많이도
세상을 살아낸
어른이 된 것 같습니다.
당신과 만남으로 하여
세상에서 벌어지는 일들이 모두 나와 무관하지 않다는 것을
이 세상에 태어난 것을
고맙게 배웠습니다.
당신의 마음을 애틋이 사랑하듯
사람 사는 세상을 사랑합니다.
길가에 풀꽃 하나만 봐도
당신으로 이어지던 날들과
당신의 어깨에
내머리를 얹은 어느 날
잔잔한 바다로 지는 해와 함께
우리 둘인 참 좋았습니다.
이 봄은 따로따로 봄이겠지요
그러나 내 조국 산천의 아픈
한 봄입니다
행복하시길 빕니다.
안녕.
When I scroll down on my blog here, I can find a written diary with full of mad. It was written around 8th september when I was going through really hard time with my boyfriend. He was in the US for exchange student, and didn't call me back even I called him couple of times. I wanted to communicate about our relationship seriously, but he ignored my messages too. I had no idea why he did like that, so I was mad at him. After then, he explained his phone was broken, but after few days more I noticed that was lie. So I asked wheather you want to keep our relationship or not, and he said he's not confidence about it. And it was the simple end of our 9 month love. I thought he will call me back after then, but absolutely it was my delusion. In fact, I could easily predict our end because he didnt show me any commitment or affection even before. But I didn't want to loose or leave him, so always overtried to keep our relationship. That was a big problem when I reflect on myself now. He used to say that he rather believes god's love than believe true love things btw man and woman, and I couldnt understand or agree him at that time. But now it seems that I can slightly understand what it means. I really do not want to be a skeptical person, but I can hardly think that there are true love. When we were broked up I felt too hard to endure at first. Everymorning it was like a hell because of the thought that he left me, but now I am fine without him and maybe I will meet another man before long. It makes me skeptical about love btw men and women. We could easily change our lover, of course I can do it too. I am not saying that we should meet only one true lover in our whole life. But... I don't know. I am not sure.
However when I think about love between my family, it becomes an entirely different story. They are always worried about me, always give full affection and supprot to me. There are no jealousy, obsession, complicated relationship problems
what favorite things to do? with friends?
As most of youth do, I really enjoy hanging with friends and drinking. In Korea, almost 2~3 times in a week, I met friends and hung over with alchole. Especially when I was freshman I was like alcoholic. Everyday I was drunken and we had a game called die-die. This game is a big match btw 2 people figuring out which person is more strong at drinking. We drunk each small cup of Soju one by one till one of two gave up or threw out. When I think of this game now, how could we played so stupid and ignorant on earth that days, but it became kind of unforgettable memory of my younger days. And I love to find out delicious restraunts and go to eat them. Also like to go some awesome places I havnt visit at seoul or other cities in Korea.
When I am spending my time alone, things that interests me are always different. Sometimes I am absorbed in watching Japanese movie and that interests go into some specific actor and research about him, sometimes hooked on some magazine or author of books then try to know everything about them. Also like to collect some toys, dolls, and all kinds of girlish handcrafted stuffs. So my friends call me 'Otaku'. I am really kind of person who see something to the end when that inspires me. Also like to go to a cafe and write down something about my feeling and thought. Thesedays I luv to find out inspiring information or picture, advertising, creative promotions, movies, musics and put into myself.
